Phone conversations are over in 20 seconds flat.

Movie nudity is virtually always female.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

When channel-surfing, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

All your orgasms are real.

A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

Your last name stays put.

When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

The garage is all yours. (Not that we would want it!)

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

You don't have to shave below your neck. (Which I really don't get because you're the hairy ones!!)

Speaking of which, you don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

If you're 34 and single, no one notices.

You can write your name in the snow.

Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.(in this life time)

Flowers fix everything.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

Michael Bolton doesn't exist in your universe.

You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.

You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

Bachelor party or bridal shower... Hmmm.

Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it."

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you think it's funny.

The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

New shoes don't blister, cut, or mangle your feet.

Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

( ( some of these above taken from Maxim magazine ) )

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